It might seem as if I have abandoned blogging for a bit. I have not. I am just tired.
I have been throwing most of my extra time, along with much mental and emotional energy into trying to have a relationship with my father via email. I can’t say yet how successful it will be. But I have hope. That is my word for the year, and I am still holding on.
Pray for God to soften my father’s heart and open his eyes to the light and true freedom.
All my life I have watched my father self condemn. I watch it still. It is a practice that he passed on to his family, and something that I did myself while under his care and until I found grace.
I would like to reblog the following as it so greatly describes what I am talking about. I just recently discovered this article. Steve McVey does a wonderful job telling the truth about self condemnation.
Self condemnation is a sacrament to the Christian legalist. It is one way that he seeks to atone for his sins. His rationale may be conscious or unconscious, but it suggests that if he is sorry enough; if he feels badly enough; if he executes enough emotional self-flagellation, and offers up the sacrifice of genuine self contempt, then God will forgive him.
While his demeanor appears to be one of contrition, in reality his attitude demonstrates the worst kind of pride, which is both gaudy and despicable. He actually thinks that there is something he can do to bring on forgiveness. His self centered, pay your own way with the currency of guilt attitude, is an affront to the finished work of Jesus Christ.
He talks a talk that sounds like a godly man to many, but his licentious loathing of himself betrays a brazen and adulterous affair with the law. He may have died to the law so that he could be joined to Jesus Christ, (see Romans 7:4) but his insistence on wallowing in the bed of self judgement with the law suggests a religious hedonism that brings him great pleasure in the darkest places of his flesh.
Steve goes on to say that,
… any attempt to add another word to what the cross has spoken by allowing ourselves to accept self condemnation is an attempt to dilute, and thus negate, its power.
How arrogant! Sadly those who self condemn see themselves as “dying to self”, when in reality they are lifting themselves higher than Christ.
Salvation comes through one source alone – Divine Unconditional Love. This love (demonstrated to us by Christ on the cross) is a love bigger and more unfathomable than we can ever imagine. We are dead without it. And only with it can we truly live.