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Darn it! I feel so alone sometimes. I wish I could trust people. I wish people were not so judgemental. How is it that I know so many people but yet I feel like practically no one knows me? Is this the curse of being so sheltered by my father? I’m still a freak. All my life my emotional ties, my self-worth, everything that meant anything was tied to my family and to my religion.

But I’m not the same person anymore. They don’t even know me. But yet the emotional ties remain …

I want my family to be part of my life.

Why can’t they leave their religious legalism? I want to scream at some of them to stop being such jerks (I know they don’t mean to be). I want all the false teachers that keep influencing them to shut up and go away. I want them to stop trying to manipulate me into listening to their religious crap by posting stuff to FB or by sending me emails that are only religious in nature or sending me to some irritating link.

Why can’t they just have a relationship with me? One that has nothing to do with religion and has everything to do with the fact that I’m their sister or their daughter. Hello?

So to my family members that vex me so …

Is it really that hard to see that Christ came to bring love?

Is it really that hard to see that grace is a gift not some empowerment to help one do better?

Is it really that hard to allow God alone to be the judge?

Is it really that hard to be friends even though we don’t believe exactly the same thing?

Is really that hard to see that God can make us holy without us doing a stinkin’ thing?

Is it really that hard to love your neighbor as yourself?

Is it really that hard to love yourself?

Is it really that hard to see that God loves you no matter how you act?

Time is passing. Our lives go on. Soon one or the other of us may be gone. I’ve tried so hard to have a relationship, but it doesn’t seem to matter to you.

Will you sacrifice me for your religion? I think the answer is yes. This is not God’s way, it is your own. You are blind. And I am sad.

Is it really that hard to see that I love you no matter what you do?

I guess so. It is hard.

I do still love you. I’m not bitter …  just hurt. It doesn’t matter what you did or do, I will always love you!

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